Burying Poles! - Back in the old west, there was a need to connect the east and the west with a telegraph line. The Manager of the project advertised for workers to complete the job. Three groups responded. A team of Irishmen, a group of Italians, and a final team composed of Blondes. Since none of the groups would work with anyone from the other two groups, the project supervisor decided to assign each group to a different part of the line, and then see which team set the most poles. The first task was to set the poles. The Supervisor sent each group out to a different location. Before they left, he advised all three groups that the one to bury the most poles today, would receive a bonus. At the end of the day, the foreman of the Italians reported back to the Supervisor. The Supervisor inquired of him how many poles had been set by his team. He answered 48. The Supervisor was delighted. He advised the Italian to stay awhile until he heard how the Irishmen and the Blondes had done... Next to report was the foreman of the Irishmen group. When asked, he reported that they had set 53 poles that day. Again the Superivsor was thrilled. He dismissed the Italian foreman and asked the Irishman to remain until the Blondes checked in. A little while later the Blonde forewoman reported to the Supervisor. "How many poles did your group set?" He asked. "Two." Replied the Blonde forewoman. "What! Just, two!" exclaimed the Supervisor. "The Italians set 48 poles, and the Irishmen set 53. How could you Blondes have only set two poles?" "It may be true the Italians and Irishmen buried more poles than us," replied the Blonde. "But you should see how much of the poles those bozos left sticking out of the ground!"
Peroxides and Black Men - Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common? A: They both have black roots.
What's the difference... - Q: What is the difference between a teacher and a train?? A: A teacher says "spit out that gum" and a train says "choo choo choo!"
Gulf War Remembered! - Q. What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common ? A. Nothing, yet. Q: What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving ? A: Turkey. Q: What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common ? A: They both have Kurds in their Whey. Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common ? A: They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from ! Q: What is the best Iraqi job ? A: Foreign Ambassador Q: How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb ? A: None. They can't turn them on anyway. Q: How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb ? A: Only one, but he does it from 30 miles away using laser targeting, and at a cost of US $8,000,000. Q: "How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a light bulb?" A: "We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers at this time." Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots? A: You only have to teach them to take off. Q: How do you play Iraqi bingo ? A: B-52...F-16...A-10 Q: What is Iraq's national bird ? A: Duck Q: What's the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile ? A: Aeroflot has killed more people. Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone ? A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble. Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats ? A: So they can see their Air Force. Q: Did you hear that Saddam Hussein won the toss ? A: He elected to receive. Q: Why do all Iraqi soldiers carry a piece of sandpaper? A: They need a map....
Official Polish Sex Quiz - Study each question carefully. Then, choose the answer that seems most correct (True or False) and mark an "X" (just like you sign your name) under the appropriate heading on the right side. > TRUE FALSE 1. A clitoris is a type of flower. |______|______| 2. Pubic hair is a wild rabbit. |______|______| 3. "Spread Eagle" is an extinct bird. |______|______| 4. Vagina is a medical term used to describe heart trouble. |______|______| 5. Menstrual cycle has three (3) wheels. |______|______| 6. A G-string is part of a violin. |______|______| 7. Semen is another word for "sailor". |______|______| 8. Anus is the Latin word for "yearly". |______|______| 9. Testicles are found on an octopus. |______|______| 10. Asphalt describes rectal troubles. |______|______| 11. Masturbate is used to catch large fish. |______|______| 12. KOTEX is a radio station in Bryan, Texas. |______|______| 13. Coitus is a musical instrument. |______|______| 14. Fetus is a character on "Gunsmoke". |______|______| 15. An umbilical cord is part of a parachute. |______|______| 16. A condom is an apartment complex. |______|______| 17. An organism is the person who accompanies the chior in church. |______|______| 18. A diaphram is a drawing in geometry. |______|______| 19. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle. |______|______| 20. An erection is when the Japanese vote for their new government officials. |______|______| 21. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East. |______|______| 22. Sodomy is a special kind of fast-growing grass. |______|______| 23. Pornography is the business of making record albums. |______|______| 24. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origins. |______|______| 25. Douche is the Italian word for "twelve". |______|______| 26. An enema is someone who is not your friend. |______|______| 27. Ovaries are a French egg dish made with cheese. |______|______|
A future fireman - A fireman looked out of the fire house window and noticed a little boy playing on the sidewalk. He had his little red wagon, and he had hung small ladders on the side of it, and coiled the garden hose up in it, and he was wearing a fireman's hat. He had the wagon tied to his dog, so that the dog could pull the wagon. The fireman thought this was really cute so he went out and told the little boy what a great looking fire truck he had. As he did, he noticed that the dog was tied to the wagon by his testicles. The fireman said, "Son, I don't want to try to tell you how to run your fire company or anything, but I think if you would tie that rope around the dog's neck you would go faster." "Maybe so," said the little boy, "But then I'd lose my siren!"
To Be a Dog - An eminent teacher and thinker once expressed his philosophy of life: "When it all boils done to the essence of truth," the philosopher said, "one must live by a dog's rule of life": "If you can't eat it or fuck it...PISS ON IT!"
In A Freezer - Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? A: Frosted Flakes.
Phone For Texas Aggie - Soon after the Texas Aggie clocked in for work, the foreman called him over and told him that he had a phone call in the front office. When the Aggie returned, he had a mournful expression on his face and his head hung low. His foreman noticed and asked if he had received bad news. "Shure was, Boss" he replied, "I just found out that my mother died earlier this morning. "Gosh, that's awful," replied the foreman "Do you want the rest of the day off?" "No," replied the Aggie. "I'll finish the day out." About an hour later, the foreman returned to inform him that there was another phone call for him up front. This time when the Aggie returned he looked twice as glum and the foreman asked if everything was alright. "Jezz, Boss this has to be the worst day of my life," Moaned the Aggie. "That was my brother, and his mother died today too!"
Blonde screen door - Q:How is a blonde and a screen door alike? A:The harder you bang them the looser they get.
Genie and the Beer - Two old guys were fishing in a boat on Lake Michigan. A bottle comes floating by in the current. One codger scoops it up, sees a cork in the top, and yanks it out. A genie pops out in a puff of smoke and says, "You get one wish between the two of you--make it a good one." The old man in the front of the boat yells back to his fishing buddy. "Lemme handle this--I know just what to ask for!" He looks at the genie and says, "We want the whole lake to be turned into ice cold beer!" The genie nods and says, "You got it, boys!" And instantaneously, the whole lake is beer! The old man in the back of the boat throws a life preserver, smacks his buddy up-side the head, and yells out, "You idiot! Why the heck did you do that?" ""Whadaya talking about?" the other fisherman answers. "I thought you'd like a lake-full of beer. What's the problem?" "I do like it...the problem is...now we gotta pee in the boat!!!!"
Virgina Girl - A young West Virginian girl wanted to go to college at UVA. But her father said 'No Way! You're going to By-God West Virginia Univ.' Well she got her way and she went to UVA. The first semester went by, and she wrote home that she was getting married to a man from Richmond, VA named Clarence. Her father said 'I'll be damned if my daughter is marrying a man from Richmond. You're marrying a By-God West Virginian boy.' So he sent his two sons to UVA to get their sister. In a couple of days they returned. Dad said 'Where is your sister?' They replied 'We were almost there Daddy, and we came up on this overpass that had this sign that read - 'Clarence 13'6" - so we turned around and got the hell out of there!'
Flying condom - Why did the condom fly across the room?? It got pissed off!!!
How do guys in jail..... - How do prisoners in jail talk to each other? With their cell phones!
Raggedy Anne - Q: Why was Raggedy Anne kicked out of the toypen? A: Because she kept sitting on Pinnochio's face saying, "Lie to me, lie to me!"